Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
