I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
