We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
