just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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