I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
