i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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