she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
