Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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