first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
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happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
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