I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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