Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
