Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Sober January is a disaster.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
