Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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