I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
