Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
