I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
