grandma shit on top of the toilet
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
