He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I need to calm my uterus...
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
