I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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