just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
