Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
