I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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