I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
