Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
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