Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
It's like God shit irony all over that family
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
