Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
