So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
