Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
