I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
