garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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