if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
