Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
