my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
