Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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