Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
