that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh