It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.