Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
