She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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