Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
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