Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
