So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I enjoy the company of your penis
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
