May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
