I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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