i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
