My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
