I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
