Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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