how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
