no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
