fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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