yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I feel like death gave me a hand job
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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