Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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