I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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