sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
