ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
