I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
