Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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