I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
