I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Randomize
