with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize