it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
