I got chris browned last night
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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