Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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