I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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