wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
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And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
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Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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