He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
