you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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