Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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