I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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