Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
