i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
