Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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