Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
