my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
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