I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
